


In Abject Longing for You

by Rhang



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Developing Relationship, Doubt, Grieving, Longing, Loss, M/M, Making Out, Mentions of Death, Realistic relationship building, Seduction, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, There's multiple attempts to woo, There's other stuff but I'd rather yall read than give it away in the tags, Unrequited Love, complicated feelings, nothing serious just details you should experience while reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-06-22 07:01:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19662211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhang/pseuds/Rhang
Summary: Sam had a soulmate mark up until about a year ago but he didn’t have one any longer. He was okay with that. He could live with that.





	1. Calcified

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MoonIsNeverAlone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonIsNeverAlone/gifts).



> So all the fluff and feel good stuff I've been writing lately has left me wanting for something with complex feelings and drama so I wrote all this. I hadn't tried the whole soulmate trope yet so I figured I would try it out. 
> 
> Any mistakes are mine. 
> 
> Enjoy. :)

In their world, there were things known as ‘soulmate marks’, they were symbols that appeared on the body anytime after puberty was reached; most commonly on the left forearm. No one knew why but the marks would appear in pairs and even more rarely in triples. Only about 80% of the population of the world would even experience the phenomena, another fact no one had the answers to explain. People had theories about physiology, proximity and what even caused the marks to manifest in the first place but no one knew for sure.

Most people in the world viewed the soulmate marks as divine pairings and that finding the match or matches to your mark was the way to true happiness. While many would argue against that point of view it was widely known that there was some kind of connection that was difficult to express, when soulmates did meet.

But marks were not eternal things. Like marriage unions, they disappeared when their match passed away or when someone made a drastic change in life. It was common that marks expressed early in life often changed by the time the individual reached their mid- twenties or early thirties. Some people that had marks for years would watch the marks fade in hours with the realization that that particular soulmate had grown into a different symbol or passed away. There was no way to tell what exactly the cause was. When a soulmate mark faded due to death, sometimes another mark would never reappear for that individual. The loss of a soulmate was a devastating ordeal and often changed people irrevocably.

Sam had a soulmate mark up until about a year ago but he didn’t have one any longer.

He was okay with that. He could live with that.

He sat with his sister catching up at her place after he came over to pick up some vegetables and canned goods. Sam loved his sister but sometimes she had a tendency to act like their mom ever since the two of them had moved up north years ago during their college days.

“Are you going by the cemetery?” Sarah asked softly relaxing on her couch gauging her brother’s reaction to her question.

He gave her a look. “I don’t really want to deal with that,” Sam admitted wanting to drop the subject. “It’s only been a year.”

“Yeah. A year Sam. You two were together for eight years,” she said softly. “Don’t you think he’d want you to visit some time? You most of all?”

Sam sighed heavily as if a lead weight had materialized within his chest. “I know,” he said deeply.

Without thinking Sam touched his forearm and rubbed at the irritation. Sarah noticed the motion just as Sam had stopped himself from touching it.

“Is something coming up?” she asked in reference to his forearm.

“No,” Sam denied firmly.

“It’s okay if it is,” she said reaching over to touch her brother’s knee to reassure him.

“I’ve got class to prepare for. I’m gonna get going,” Sam said quickly as he got up to gather his things to leave. He didn’t want to talk about soul marks or soulmates anymore or ever again.

Sarah got up and hugged her brother goodbye and told him she loved him.

“Love you too sis,” he said heading out to his car.

Sam arrived home and began putting away the food and canned goods Sarah had given him. Sam did everything he could, for as long as he could to ignore the irritation on his left forearm until he couldn’t take it anymore. He took his shirt off to get the three quarter sleeve off of his arm.

He examined his skin as the new, foreign mark started appearing on his arm. His arm had been irritated and swollen for a few days but now the new mark had finally surfaced on his brown skin. In a lighter tone than his own skin the mark was about two inches in size consisting of two circles almost overlapping but just slightly off center of each other as a sharp symbol expression appeared inside of the two circles. Sam felt sorrow settle in his chest as the new mark boldly took the place of the smaller, more fragile, understated mark that used to be there for so long.

Sam felt anger well up within his soul that another mark could take the place of his last when his heart was nowhere near ready to move on yet. There was no way there was another soulmate for him. Sam refused to believe it.

* * *

Sam strolled into the bar tired from dealing with so much regarding work–the new soulmate mark showing up aside. He walked in looking for Erik and saw him chilling in their spot near the back.

“Hey man,” Sam said slipping into the booth across from Erik.

“Hey. How you been?” Erik asked. “Got you your usual.”

“Thank you,” Sam said picking the glass up and downing half of it.

“Well damn. What’s going on with you?”

Sam just shook his head and grimaced as the alcohol burned on the way down. “You know, same old, same old,” Sam said keeping his answer shallow as he avoided Erik’s eyes. “How you been? How are things with Stella?”

Erik sat back and shook his head. “We’re trying but sometimes it feels like…to what end ya know?”

“Yeah,” Sam said softly.

While most enjoyed happy unions with their soulmates, there were plenty of couples that just couldn’t seem to find peace with one another. None had been able to pinpoint as to why or what caused issues between soulmate couples but unhappy soulmates existed. It was sad but it was another reminder, Sam thought that just because people share a mark it didn’t mean that they could always make it work.

“So you ready to talk about what’s going on with you?” Erik asked again hoping Sam’s shot of alcohol would loosen his lips.

Sam glanced over at his friend and shook his head.

Erik sighed roughly and looked around the bar. They were in for one of those evenings out. They would probably get shitfaced and have to call Sam’s sister to come get them. Erik would probably hear it from Stella but Sam was his boy; he had to help cheer him up. A guy sitting at the bar caught Erik’s eye as the man with long hair kept stealing glances in Sam’s direction.

Erik looked down and smirked.

“What’s so funny?” Sam asked sipping his drink.

“There’s a guy sitting at the bar. I think you’ve caught his eye,” Erik said smiling at Sam.

“I don’t care,” Sam said with a straight face.

Erik glanced back at the guy and saw him turned back around from just having looked at Sam. Erik immediately knew what was up.

“Well, I’m going to get home and spend some time with my girl,” Erik explained.

“I _just_ got here,” Sam said disappointed.

“I know, I know,” Erik said pulling out a few bills. He handed them to Sam. “Have a few rounds on me for dipping out early alright?”

“Whatever,” Sam said softly taking the cash.

“Have a good night Sam. I’ll be checking on you sometime this week, so pick up the fuckin’ phone when I call,” Erik said seriously.

Sam flipped him off.

Erik laughed. “I hope you work through whatever it is you’re going through. Maybe someone will fuck the sadness out of you,” Erik said sarcastically.

Sam chuckled. “Goodnight Erik,” Sam said in parting as Erik got up and walked out of the bar.

Sam sat alone for a few minutes, drinking on his second round as he checked his emails on his phone.

“Is this seat taken?” Sam heard. He looked up and saw a white man with shoulder length brown hair, a light scruff, sleepy eyes and a lazy smile on his lips. Sam wouldn’t be able to say why if he was asked but the guy was kind of cute, like rugged cute. Lumberjack cute.

“Um, no, the seats free,” Sam said softly.

The man slipped into the booth with him and smiled at Sam. “I was watching you from the bar, thought I would regret it if I didn’t come over and talk to you,” the man explained.

“What makes you think I’m into guys?” Sam asked wondering if the guy was hitting on him.

“Hope. Plus there’s the fact you didn’t tell me to fuck off when I asked to sit down,” the guy said shrugging.

Sam sat back in the booth and nodded. “True,” he said grinning. “Got a name?”

“James, but you can call me Bucky,” the man said tapping a finger against his glass. “Your name, handsome?”

That got a smile out of Sam. “Sam. My name’s Sam,” Sam said feeling brighter on the inside.

Bucky offered his hand across the table and Sam reached over to shake it. “Nice to meet you Sam,” Bucky said giving Sam a long look, like the whole conversation was going exactly his way.

“Same Bucky,” Sam said softly.

As their conversation took off, Sam put aside his sadness to properly engage in discussion – or more like –he was able to forget it. Two hours later when they were still talking, flirting here and there, Sam couldn’t quite believe how natural his conversation with this total stranger was going. He almost didn’t want it to end. It had been the most fun he’d had in a while. 

Bucky gave Sam a longing look that Sam could read like a book. “It’s getting a bit late; wanna come back to my place?” Bucky asked putting the offer on the table.

Sam thought about how long it had been since he dated, how long since he’d done anything like this. The entire encounter was kind of thrilling; to have someone find him attractive. It felt good to be wanted.

“Sure,” Sam said softly looking over into Bucky’s eyes. 

They headed to Bucky’s place. Sam followed Bucky in his own car. On the porch Bucky asked Sam to excuse the boxes before he opened the door and let them into the house. Sam looked around and saw boxes stacked, some open, others grouped in the corner.

“Still in the process of moving in,” Bucky said dropping his keys on the hook.

“It’s fine,” Sam said softly looking around a bit unsure of what to do. With his one-night stand days far, far behind him he was at a loss on if he should make the first move.

“You think very loudly,” Bucky said walking up to him as he watched Sam’s lips.

“How so?” Sam asked.

“It’s written all over your face that you’re unsure,” Bucky said looking up into Sam’s eyes.

“I'm not unsure,” Sam whispered.

Bucky leaned in close. “You sure?”

Sam thought about it for a moment and honestly felt okay with what they were about to do. He reached out and pulled Bucky close as Bucky pulled Sam close and kissed his lips. Sam felt his heart begin to race as their kiss picked up in pace and he could feel Bucky’s hands on hips and ass. Kissing hot and heavy, it was all sorts of awkward yet rushed. It was evident that both were beyond excited but just couldn’t quite control themselves to make any sophisticated move. They were stepping on each other’s feet, hands where colliding as they tried to touch one another, bumping knees as they tried to move closer but Sam noted it had potential. The man’s touch was so warm and comforting; Sam couldn’t help but start to agree with Erik that this was probably what he needed. It had been over a year since he’d got laid.

Their kiss broke when Bucky pulled back to take a breath but also remove his jacket. In the motion Sam saw a bit of Bucky’s midriff and wondered what the man looked like naked but was sure he’d find out soon enough. Sam pulled up the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows as Sam noticed something on Bucky’s flesh arm. He stopped to look a bit closer at the tattoo and noticed it was actually a soulmate mark. The very mark Sam saw appear on his own arm.

Sam stopped cold in his tracks.

Bucky noticed Sam looking at his soulmate mark. “It just showed up recently. I’m still down to do this if you are,” Bucky said stating upfront in case Sam was worried Bucky was the type to be particular about who he slept with regarding marks.

When Sam didn’t respond he looked to see if Sam had a mark in hopes of figuring out what his deal was when Bucky saw the match to his own mark on Sam’s left forearm. Bucky reached to touch Sam’s arm to get a better look when Sam snapped out of it and pulled away.

“I have to leave,” Sam stated promptly as he turned to the front door and walked out of Bucky’s home. He hastened his pace down the front steps and booked it to his car. He got in and started the engine and sped off. When Sam felt he was far enough away and knew Bucky wouldn’t follow him, Sam sighed out loud frustrated and fuming. He stopped at a red light and gripped his steering wheel tight in his grasp.

Sam refused to do it again.

 _Any of it_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...buckle up. This one is a true roller coaster. Prepare yourself.


	2. Trembling

Sam woke up with a start as his cell phone went off early the next morning.

He scrambled to answer the phone. He grabbed his cell off of his bed side table and answered the call.

“Yes, yes, hello?” Sam said feeling his head pound from a headache. He had too much to drink.

“Sam? Hey. You okay after last night?” he heard Erik ask.

Sam sat up in bed. “Yeah. I got home,” Sam replied as he pushed away thoughts about meeting Bucky and how the night ended between them.

He’d give anything to unsee that mark on Bucky’s arm, Sam thought sadly.

“Alright. I felt bad leaving you at the bar, wanted to call and check on you,” Erik admitted.

“I’m okay, man, thanks,” Sam said softly, thankful for his friend.

“I’m gonna get up and get ready for class. I’ll talk to you later man.”

“Alright, later.”

“Later,” Sam said hanging up. He looked around his room and saw he was up an hour earlier than he should be but figured he’d just get up and eat, maybe take something for his splitting headache.

Two hours later Sam arrived at the local college where he taught all levels of Chemistry. It was a job he enjoyed and his students kept it interesting despite the hand full that made Sam question earning his living in academia some semesters. He concluded his afternoon lecture and quickly announced the assignment for next class and reminded his students about their final coming up in two weeks.

Sam checked his watch and figured he’d just eat when he got home. He’d swing by his office and grab his things before heading home.

* * *

Later in the week Sam was typing away completing emails in his office when one of the student interns stepped into his office to tell him he had a visitor. Sam checked the clock and sure enough he still had 30 minutes left of office hours.

There was always one student that loved to cut it close, Sam thought.

“Send them in please,” Sam said softly.

“Okay, Professor Wilson,” the student said closing the door behind them.

Sam got back to proofreading his email before he hit send just as the door to his office opened.

“Please have a seat; I’ll be with you shortly. I just need to finish some-,” Sam said as he looked up from his laptop to the visitor in his office.

It was none other than Bucky in a casual tee and jeans, hair pulled back into a messy bun. 

“How the-? Are you stalking me?” Sam asked standing to his feet to move to the door in case this turned into a fatal attraction situation.

“You told me at the bar that you’re the head of the Science department here. You…don’t remember?” Bucky reminded Sam quickly. “I just came to talk.”

Sam eyed Bucky cautiously and moved to close the door again. He did have a lot to drink last night. Sam rounded his desk and took his seat again as Bucky sat down across from him.

“What did you come to say?” Sam asked.

“Well for starters,” Bucky said scooting closer to Sam’s desk and lowering his voice. “Did I…do something wrong last night? Did I offend you or…hurt you?”

Sam immediately stopped and realized the guy must have thought he’d done something wrong to cause Sam to flee so fast. In hindsight, Sam realized he had been a bit dramatic leaving in the manner he did but he couldn’t let their night continue any further after seeing that mark on Bucky’s arm.

Sam sighed. “No, you didn’t Bucky,” Sam said softly trying to organize his words in order to let Bucky down gently. “I can tell you’re a nice guy. Like honestly a nice guy but…I don’t believe in the whole soulmate thing.”

“How would you know if you haven’t known me longer than a few hours?” Bucky asked a bit let down.

“It’s got nothing to do with you James. It’s me,” Sam said softly. “I just don’t.”

Bucky considered Sam’s words and sighed at accepting this was his soulmate. It was far from what he’d expected meeting him. _But what else could he really do about it?_ Bucky wondered.

“Okay but what if we just got to know each other? We don’t have to -,” Bucky suggested not ready to just let Sam go that easily.

Sam shook his head ready to turn down the offer.

Bucky scrambled for the words to express what he was feeling in that moment. “I’ve never had a mark appear for me before. _Ever._ The day before I walked into that bar it showed up. I was so excited I went for a drink and I met **you**. That can’t mean _nothing_. I _refuse_ to believe that,” Bucky said looking into Sam’s eyes.

Sam looked at Bucky and felt something like pity settle on him. He could remember what it was like seeing that mark appear for the first time. Sam sighed.

“I’m free at 7pm. We can go for drinks. But that’s **all** this is. I’m being upfront with you so you won’t think of it as something it’s not,” Sam stated firmly.

“Okay,” Bucky said happily. “Same bar?”

“Yeah, why not,” Sam said nodding. “Same bar.”

Bucky smiled wide and Sam glanced away not wanting to let any form of happiness emanating off of Bucky to influence his emotions or decision regarding his choice to keep the man at a distance. 

“See you this evening then,” Bucky rose from his seat.

“Yeah see you later,” Sam said as he watched Bucky walk out of his office and close the door after.

Sam leaned back in his chair and groaned. _Why in the world was he entertaining any of this?_ He wondered. _Why did part of him find it difficult to consider never seeing the other man again?_

Sam arrived at the bar, forgoing heading home and just left campus right after his evening lecture of Advanced Chem. He strolled in and saw Bucky seated at the bar. He walked over and saw the other man stand to greet him. Bucky went for the hug but Sam just gave him a look.

“Okay. No hugs, got it,” Bucky said softly as he sat back down on his stool. “I wasn’t sure if you were in the mood for the same thing so I waited for you to arrive before ordering.”

“Thanks,” Sam said taking a seat one stool away from Bucky.

They ordered their drinks and sipped them quietly. Bucky glanced over at his soulmate and noticed Sam maintaining a distance between them. It was kind of laughable considering that less than 24 hours prior they had their mouths all over each other.

Sam was quiet, and had a deep, pensive look on his face. Bucky noticed the night before but the man was truly handsome, from his sculpted cheekbones to those deep gazing eyes. He’d really lucked out at having Sam as his soulmate. He wasn’t hard to look at in the slightest.

Sam stared into his glass and honestly wished he hadn’t suggested they go out to drink, he didn’t really have much to say.

“Where’s the man I met last night?” Bucky asked suddenly.

“Right here, but I’m not under any delusion of what this is.” Sam didn’t look at him; only took another sip of his drink.

“What is this exactly?” Bucky asked turning toward Sam.

Sam looked over into his eyes. “You tell me,” Sam said turning toward the other. “Why are you trying so hard? Because the rest of society has conditioned you to believe that having a soulmate ‘ _means something_ ’? That finding that person changes something? Well…it doesn’t.” Sam looked away and sipped his drink.

He was pissed. He’d said more than he wanted to.

That last comment gave Bucky pause. “You sound like you know from experience,” Bucky said softly. “Did you…lose someone?”

Sam eyed the other. “No. But I know some people that have,” Sam lied putting a boundary up so he wouldn’t have to elaborate on his past.

“Is it true, the marks can come back?” Bucky asked curious. He’d always wondered it if was true.

Sam refrained from glancing at his own arm. “Yeah, they do,” he said downing his drink and waving his hand for another.

As the bartender walked over and brought Sam another drink, Bucky just quietly smiled at him.

“In any case, I’m happy I met you,” Bucky said softly.

Sam looked at him, “Why’s that?” Sam had hardly been as hospitable as he was usually known for.

“I, ugh, lost my arm in a car accident when I was a kid. I was bummed but not as much as when I realized the soul marks appear on the left forearm most commonly. I remember crying to my mom that I’d never find my one because my arm was gone. I asked her, ‘ _How will my mark know my arm isn’t there anymore and that I can’t see it?_ ’” Bucky chuckled. “Being the awesome mom she is, she told me, that soulmates and marks don’t happen for everyone. That they didn’t mean everything. It helped but…deep down I wanted a mark,” Bucky explained.

He looked at Sam and admired his pretty face. “I dated, but then marks started appearing on the people I was seeing and they’d break things off. Got to a point I’d only date people without marks. I kept my mom’s words in mind but I just kept hoping it would happen for me. Then one day I’m packing up my things for a move and my right forearm starts itching and swelling. The mark appears and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen…and it’s mine.” Bucky took a drink of his beer. “It was a few seconds later that I realized the mark would appear on someone else as well. And here you are, mark and all…and…you’re stunning,” Bucky said earnestly.

Sam breathed. “Thanks,” Sam said softly not sure how to deal with the compliment. “I guess.”

“Wanna go watch a movie?” Bucky asked.

“What?”

“A movie? Want to go see one with me, like right now?” Bucky asked.

“We’re literally four drinks in,” Sam reminded him.

“Okay, are you so far gone you can’t sit up for a movie?” Bucky asked.

“No I’m-.”

“Are you in?” Bucky asked getting up to pay for their drinks. Sam noticed Bucky picking up the tab – dude was not slick.

“Sure,” Sam said getting up.

They ended up seeing an action movie together and had a decent time. They walked out of the theater and looked at one another. The unspoken air that the evening was growing late hung between them.

Sam prepared to say goodnight when Bucky asked, “Can I have your number?”

Sam looked at him suspiciously. They had just had a nice, expectation free outing and now Bucky was pressing again.

“I know you don’t want anything serious, but maybe we can hang out from time to time,” Bucky admitted. “I had a lot of fun with you tonight.”

Sam grabbed Bucky’s phone and typed his number in and texted his own phone. Bucky checked his number on Sam’s phone when Sam showed him the screen for confirmation.

“Thank you. Wouldn’t want to lose touch with you,” he said winking at Sam.

Sam laughed out loud. “With that I have to get home,” Sam said.

“Okay,” Bucky said softly looking at Sam. “Ugh, hey! So things aren’t weird…if we run into each other on campus, I’ll be teaching Art History starting next semester at the college,” Bucky admitted. “It’s why I moved here. So you don’t think I’m stalking you or anything.”

Sam looked at him and nodded. “Thanks for the heads up.”

Sam had no idea what he felt about that. Possibly seeing his soulmate around campus but at least it wouldn’t come as a total surprise.

“See you around campus Sam…if I don’t see you before then,” Bucky said backing away as he started walking away.

“Yeah, see you,” Sam said watching him walk away.

Sam walked back to his car and didn’t see a problem with hanging out with the man from time to time. It wasn’t like he had a terrible time with Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next...the wind up.


	3. Recalibrate

**–A MONTH LATER –**

Sam walked the long walk through campus under the blue sky of a new year. Back at work after spending time down in New Orleans with family for the Christmas and New Year holidays. He felt better; lighter after spending time with his people even though being with them at times brought back difficult memories. There was nothing quite like being home and running streets he knew better than any others. It sent him back with a renewed vigor and lifted spirits, two things he desperately needed after last semester.

He looked around and waved at a few of his students and thought about what he had been doing while resting and relaxing. To his own surprise he’d been keeping in touch with Bucky each day he’d been away. They didn’t talk on the phone or anything but they did text and message memes to one another. He’d received a few looks from family members about who he was carrying on with so much. It left them wondering who had Sam checking his phone at all times of the day, smiling and cracking up randomly. Sam had been careful to keep it his business as well as his new soulmate mark carefully covered up. 

Sam felt his phone vibrate. He pulled it out and checked to see what the alert was. It was Bucky.

_My first class kicked my ass. But I survived bitch! *peace sign emoji*_

Sam chuckled to his self and wondered if he should do what had just crossed his mind. He checked his watch and saw he had some time before his first lecture and headed in the direction of the Arts building.

Sam strolled up to the professor and adjunct offices and asked the secretary where Bucky’s office was. The young lady directed him down the hall and to the left. Sam walked down the hall and tapped his knuckles against the door.

“Come in! Come in!” he heard Bucky say from inside in an upbeat tone. His voice plucked at something in Sam’s chest. It was in that moment he realized he hadn’t heard that voice in a month even though there’d hardly been a day they didn’t communicate.

Sam opened the door and stepped into the office to surprise the man and was stopped in his tracks as he looked at Bucky. Bucky didn’t look the same. He’d cut his hair, it wasn’t shoulder length anymore but maybe half the length and finger swept out of his face. He’d shaved his beard and was now fresh faced and appeared several years younger than Sam remembered the other seeming. His blue eyes stood out much more now as well. Sam had to remind himself what he stepped into the office for.

“Sam!” Bucky said happy see his soulmate. He got up immediately and hugged Sam tight.

Sam hugged Bucky back and had to shake the feeling of how good it felt to be in Bucky’s arms again after so long. Memories of their aborted one night stand came to mind and Sam had to catch his self. He couldn’t be thinking about shit like that on the job; especially not standing so close to Bucky.

Bucky noticed that Sam was slow to pull away from him as their hug ended and smiled on the inside. _That was progress_ , Bucky thought to his self.

“It’s good to see you,” Bucky whispered to Sam as he folded his arms across his chest while admiring Sam. Bucky shook his head slightly still not over how fine his soulmate was. The man just woke up that gorgeous, Bucky thought, it was amazing. “How was your vacation?”

Sam was trying to think of something other than how built Bucky seemed all of a sudden.

“It was good,” Sam said softly snapping out of it as Bucky stepped back to sit at his desk. “How was yours?”

“It was kind of boring. Slow really,” Bucky explained feeling awakened in Sam’s presence. Then again he’d always felt better when he was talking or texting with Sam.

“That’s good, that’s good,” Sam said.

Bucky checked the clock on the wall just to make sure and felt panic shoot through his system. “Shit! I’m late. I have to cross the building to get to my next class,” Bucky said hastily getting up and grabbing his things.

Sam followed Bucky out, hiding the smile on his lips at the novice professor rushing to class.

“I’m sorry to run on you, really I am,” Bucky said softly touching Sam’s shoulder. “Let’s get drinks after class. Are you teaching today?”

Walking beside him back up the hall to the reception desk, Sam answered, “Yeah in an hour. I have back to back classes til 5pm.”

“Oh perfect! My second class ends at 4:30pm. I’ll come by your office,” Bucky said smiling before he hurried off.

“Okay, see you then,” Sam said as he watched Bucky depart.

Sam couldn’t begin to explain why he was looking forward to their meeting later on but he was.

* * *

At the bar, the spirit of their first evening together seemed to return as they caught up with one another and discussed their students and classes. Sam gave Bucky some pointers about juggling the workload of stacked classes and how to stagger assignments so he wouldn’t get overwhelmed with grading without a teaching assistant to help him.

As they continued to talk Sam found he was getting mildly distracted with the way Bucky was looking at him. Sam knew he wasn’t making shit up, the other man honestly seemed to be giving Sam all he could with his eyes. He hadn’t noticed before for whatever reason but Bucky had this seductive look in his eye whenever their eyes locked and it was a bit hypnotizing. It was a bit overwhelming as well the moment Sam realized he was consciously trying to ignore his instincts that were telling him he was attracted to Bucky; mainly his smaller mind. 

Sam was talking about his vacation for a while before he perceived that Bucky was touching his hand and playing with his fingers. It was sort of soothing. Sam cleared his throat and consciously took his hand off the table and put it in his lap.

Bucky smirked at how long it took Sam to realize he’d been touching him. It wasn’t a conscious thing but Bucky really couldn’t explain why he hungered to touch Sam so much.

“You know…just because you don’t want to do the whole…soulmate thing, doesn’t mean we can’t…,” Bucky shrugged and combed his hair back from his face. “…have fun with each other.”

Sam raised an eyebrow at that.

It was cute to Sam to hear Bucky say that but Sam knew better. Sam knew being with a soulmate wasn’t like a random hookup. A hookup could help scratch the itch but the itch would always return. A soulmate was the remedy. For those who had never been with their soulmate they wouldn’t know the difference, but to those that knew, there was no substitute for the embrace of a soulmate.

Sam wasn’t about to open that can of worms again.

“What’s so funny?” Bucky asked looking at the smirk on Sam’s full lips.

“Nothing, you’re just…very cute and naïve on how all of this works,” Sam said softly.

With nothing but seriousness in his tone, Bucky said, “Then teach me.”

Sam stared in him the eye unwavering, neither looked away.

Sam shook his head smiling. “Oh my gosh,” Sam said smiling wide. “We’re not going there.”

Bucky sipped his drink. “Alright but know this…I won’t exactly say no if you ask me nicely,” Bucky said darkly as he looked at Sam over the rim of his glass. 

Sam felt the air kind of leave his lungs a bit with that look.

Bucky told his self he wasn’t going to press but he _was_ going to keep letting Sam know, as long as it took, that Bucky was here for him. Sam was his soulmate after all.

They prepared to head home for the evening and started settling their tabs.

“We should really visit another bar,” Sam mentioned. “There’s so many in the area and we keep coming to this one.”

Bucky looked around at the bar fondly. “I don’t know. I have some really nice memories here,” Bucky said softly before looking over at Sam. “I met you here.”

Sam laughed again. “You just don’t let up do you?”

“No I don’t,” Bucky said smiling warmly at Sam. “Come back to my place for a night cap?”

“Maybe on the weekend. It’s the start of the semester _and_ the start of the week,” Sam said pointing out the obvious.

“Oh yeah,” Bucky said softly. "Sorry. I lose track of time when I’m with you."

Sam rolled his eyes. “Smooth,” Sam and chuckling.

“Oh you like that huh?” Bucky said.

“You get credit for trying,” Sam said getting ready. “Alright man, I’m gonna get going,”

“I’m going to hold you to that night cap one weekend,” Bucky said getting up.

“Fine,” Sam said avoiding Bucky’s gaze as they headed to the door. Sam however didn’t miss the gentle hand Bucky kindly placed on his back as they walked out together.

Sam made no move to shrug it off though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like someone is warming up ;)


	4. Longing

**–Two Weeks Later–**

Between classes and schedules Sam and Bucky didn’t really see one another but had progressed to talking on the phone in the evening just chatting and cutting it up together. They still texted on the regular but in such a short time they’d become good friends to each other. Most evenings when he was texting Bucky while grading class work or talking to him while Bucky was at the gym or something, Sam found his self mildly satisfied that he’d been able to develop a platonic relationship with his soulmate rather than a romantic one. He didn’t think they needed all of that and he was fine without it.

After a hard week Sam finally decided to take Bucky up on the night cap.

He stood on Bucky’s front porch and sort of remembered standing there so many nights ago under different circumstances.

Bucky answered the door smiling wide and Sam was once again hit in the chest with how good looking his soulmate was. Bucky had let some of his beard come back so he had a light scruff. Sam couldn’t deny it was attractive.

“Hey Sam, come on in,” Bucky said welcoming in.

Sam looked around and was pleased to see Bucky’s home more organized than when he’d last been there and everything had been in boxes. 

“Place looks nice,” Sam said taking his coat off.

Bucky took his coat to hang up and Sam spotted the soul mark on Bucky’s arm again. It was strange because it didn’t cause the same panic or flight response it once did in Sam and he couldn’t figure out why. Sam glanced at Bucky’s face saw the other motion toward the kitchen.

They headed to the kitchen to have a few drinks. They stood around joking and talking. 

“The kid honestly thought he knew more about organic chemistry than I did!” Sam said trying to control his laughter. “I was honestly _so close_ to letting the kid blow his own ass up in front of all of us, but I stepped in and took the beaker from him.”

Bucky wiped tears from his eyes from laughing so hard and took a sip of his whiskey to bring his self down.

“It was a trip,” Sam said before sipping his own drink on the other side of the kitchen.

Bucky glanced over at Sam standing calmly across the kitchen and fought everything in his body telling him to walk over and take Sam into an embrace. He looked at Sam’s arm and saw their mark. It was rare that Sam would wear short sleeve shirts so Bucky could even seen it, so it was a surprise he could even look at it at the moment. He looked at the mark and ached to know why he and Sam couldn’t have more…couldn’t be more to one another when their chemistry was just so good.

“What’s the worst that can happen if you kiss me Sam?” Bucky asked suddenly standing across the kitchen. He was nowhere near Sam’s personal space but Sam felt like Bucky was in his ear breathing the very questions that kept haunting him. “What do you think will happen?”

Sam looked up into his eyes. He knew the answer but swallowed it down. He turned away to get some kind of break from the intensity that Bucky seemed to radiate at all times.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Bucky said sounding a bit closer. Sam turned to see the man standing just a foot away looking into his eyes with such force it was breathtaking.

“What’s that?” Sam asked swallowing his emotions again.

Bucky stepped closer, right in front of Sam. He could feel the heat of the other man’s skin, smell his cologne. It was making his throat dry, his eyes heavy with lust and body hard with want.

“You fear you’ll want something you said you don’t,” Bucky said looking into him. He told himself he wouldn’t push Sam but fighting this attraction was getting harder with each passing day. Bucky didn’t think he could fight it much longer and everyday prayed it would be the day Sam would stop fearing his presence and let him near. “Even though I’ve done nothing but welcome you,” Bucky whispered inching closer.

Sam felt his body tremble as he tried not to break.

“ _All but begged you,_ ” Bucky added.

Sam surged forward and pressed his lips hard against Bucky’s, finally taking the kiss he’d been longing to have. Bucky denied him nothing as Sam pulled him close around the waist and kissed deeper into Bucky’s mouth. The kiss was rushed, starved, very similar to the kisses they shared that first evening they met and everything each of them had thought it would be once they got better acquainted. Bucky braced himself against the counter just behind Sam and leaned his body against the other man as Sam moaned into their kiss, now moving to run his tongue against every single one of his teeth.

Bucky pulled back for air surprised the other man had it in him. He bit his bottom lip staring into Sam’s hungry eyes. Sam flicked his eyes down to that bitten lip and moved in for another kiss that Bucky was all too ready for. He opened up and welcomed Sam back in. He could feel Sam brushing his hand up the back of his shirt, touching his skin. The gentle scrape of Sam’s beard against his skin sent pleasant sparks of arousal all through him. Bucky broke the kiss to sigh and held onto his soulmate.

Sam could feel Bucky’s full weight against him finally and felt intoxicated. He needed to touch the other man everywhere, needed to know what other beautiful sounds he could pull out of him. He slid his hands further up Bucky’s back and sighed feeling each and every muscle under his palms as Bucky started kissing at his neck making him weak with desire. For a full moment, where Bucky was kissing and gently biting against his neck, Sam found his self rubbing himself against Bucky’s thigh as he pulled the larger man closer. Bucky was supporting his head with one hand while the other was resting on his hip under his shirt.

Bucky heard his phone ring and didn’t want to go answer it but knew it might be important.

“I’ll be right back,” Bucky whispered after placing a soft kiss on Sam’s lips in parting.

“Okay,” Sam breathed opening his eyes from the daze that had suddenly come over him while in Bucky’s arms.

Bucky pulled away from Sam reluctantly and signaled for Sam to give him a second before he stepped out of the room. Sam touched his lips and took a deep breath. He was still a bit dazed about what he’d fallen into for a moment there. He turned around and took a sip of water to clear his head. He looked around the kitchen and saw a bulletin board full of pictures and notes.

Out of curiosity Sam walked over and saw the faces of smiling people, notes and a calendar marked with important events. Sam laid his eyes on one picture and felt the blood in his veins run cold. It nearly stopped his heart. He took a closer look and felt his breath seize in his lungs.

“Sorry about that,” Bucky said stepping back into the kitchen. “Family business.”

“Who’s this person?” Sam asked turning around, completely spooked from seeing the image before him.

Bucky walked over and saw a picture of his friend Steve and himself from back where they were in high school. He felt heavy emotions settle over him. “That’s my friend Steve. He, uh…passed away last year,” Bucky explained.

Sam felt panic rise in his system but he fought it down. “I’m…going to go,” Sam stated simply.

“Sam, wait,” Bucky pleaded reaching for Sam’s hand.

Sam pulled away. “I **have to** go,” Sam said grabbing his things and heading for the door.

Bucky raced after him. “Sam talk to me, _**please**_. What is the problem?” Bucky pleaded for an answer.

Sam stopped where he was and looked into Bucky eyes as tears fell from his own. “I was right about not pursuing anything with you. I…should have stuck to that,” Sam explained taking that photo as a sign. “It isn’t right. We can’t do this.”

“Why though? And do not tell me ‘you don’t _believe_ in soulmates’, I’ve seen the way you look at me, the way you kiss me, you want more with me I know it!” Bucky stressed.

Sam said nothing else before moving around Bucky and walking out, shutting the door behind him.

Bucky slammed his fist against his front door after it closed, and felt tears come to his eyes. He knew he couldn’t force someone to love him, he _knew_ that, but why couldn’t Sam see that Bucky was already so far gone on him. That he’d give anything to have Sam admit that he felt something for him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two steps forward, five steps WAY back.


	5. Recompense

**–NEXT DAY–**

Sam sat quietly in his car working up the nerve to do what he’d put off doing for months now. He looked out on the large field of headstones and felt his throat tighten. He grabbed the flowers he took thirty minutes picking out and walked the long walk to the headstone he’d tried not seeing in his sleep.

He walked up on the headstone and saw multiple dead bouquets already there. The one year anniversary was two months ago, he remembered. To forestall the tears he knew would come Sam knelt to his knees and began gathering and cleaning up his soulmate’s headstone. As he gathered and collected the dry and dead flowers, laid loving on his love’s grave, Sam thought about the state of the flowers he’d placed on top of his love’s casket the day before the funeral and the ring he slipped into Steve’s breast pocket. Their union dissolved with death, or so their vows said.

After Sam discarded the dead flowers, he washed out the vase. He placed the fresh flowers and gave them water. He stood back to his feet and sighed deeply.

“I’m-I’m sorry for not coming around…as much,” Sam said as he began to cry into his hands. He wept for a moment before he could form anymore words. “Did you know?” he asked staring at the Steve’s name carved into the granite stone with his dates and the words he couldn’t bring himself to choose at the time. His sister had chosen: _Soulmate, son & friend_. 

“Were you looking down on me carrying on with Bucky? **Did you smile when I saw that photo of you in his kitchen?!** ” Sam asked raising his voice in anger that he even had to talk to Steve like this.

He was angry at the drunk driver that separated them too soon, angry that his life felt like one tragedy after another for so long.

“ **You told me ‘ _you had me_ ’! You told me ‘ _you got me_ ’!** I was hurt but healing when we met and you went and _made_ me fall in love with you! **You did** **that!** ” Sam said pointing at Steve’s headstone. “And like _an idiot_ I let you because you said ‘ _you weren’t going anywhere_ ’.”

Sam fell to his knees and sobbed there on Steve’s grave. With his head too heavy to hold up Sam spoke through broken sobs, “I lost Riley when things were still so new. It hurt…but I recovered. But eight years Steven…eight years…how am I supposed to forget eight years?” Sam continued to sob. “Please tell me how.”

* * *

**–DAYS LATER–**

Sam took time off of work to deal with some things and got back in touch with his grief counselor as coping got difficult for a few days. Among other things the counselor suggested Sam speak to friends, to open up and speak up about what he was going through. That was how he ended up talking with Erik in his living room and explaining what was going on with his life.

“I can’t believe you had another mark show up,” Erik said examining the mark on Sam’s arm. “A third mark is almost unheard of,” Erik said softly in awe.

“Tell me about it,” Sam said softly. He’d cried himself dry 48 hours after visiting the cemetery so he had nothing left but a feeling of being lost and empty. “What am I supposed to do Erik? How am I supposed to just do this again with someone else?” Sam asked sadly. “I can’t just act like neither of them existed…my heart can’t keep doing this.”

Erik considered his friend before him and wondered. “Tell me something Sam; are you afraid of this new guy dying as well or losing him in some way?”

Sam thought about it and deep down he _was_ worried about history repeating itself and being left to endure heartache all alone again. But Sam had been wondering and racking his mind over the questions, _what good were any of these marks if they would just fade away along with its pair?_ _What was so sacred or special about them if there was just another one that could take the previous mate’s place?_

“Yes,” Sam confessed in a whisper.

“You need to open up Sam,” Erik advised. “Just be as honest and as candid as you can be. How is he to understand where you’re coming from if you won’t explain?”

Sam looked into Erik’s eyes and sighed. “I know what losing someone can do to you,” Erik said thinking of his father, which was just normal mourning and grief. He had no idea about the pain of losing a soulmate. For all their arguing he couldn’t imagine Stella passing away but he figured grief was grief. “Don’t let it harden your heart. Not when someone is literally standing there with open arms for you.”

Sam sat back on his couch and took a deep breath. He _had_ missed Bucky and hadn’t spoken to him since he left his house days ago. It all seemed so long ago now that Sam thought about it.

Maybe it was time to come clean, Sam thought. It couldn’t hurt things anymore than he already had…right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That...remains to be seen Sam.


	6. Falter

Bucky laid across Helen’s couch and continued to mope – at least that’s how Helen saw it. Bucky had sought out his sister-in-law’s advice over his situation with his soulmate.

Bucky stared at the ceiling. “Why does my soulmate have to be difficult?”

“Maybe it has nothing to do with you?” she offered.

“It kind of feels like it has a lot to do with me,” Bucky mumbled wishing things were different. “He took one look at our mark on my arm and just bolted.”

“Yeah and you’ve done everything short of forcing him, to show him you’re a decent guy. Which you have successfully done,” she reasoned. “Perhaps this guy really doesn’t want that kind of relationship with you.”

“But we’re great together Helen! _So good_ together; time flies when we talk, he gets me in ways I never thought possible,” Bucky said stopping himself from going on any longer. He closed his eyes and held back tears at the knot growing in his throat over the complicated emotions in his chest. He’d never fallen this hard for anyone in his life. The fact his soulmate was the source should have been a cause of joy. All of this was so far from what Bucky had thought all of this would be one day.

“Buck. I’m sure all of that is true,” Helen said sitting forward to look at her brother-in-law. “But you have to accept that…what you want isn’t all that matters here okay?”

He looked over at her and sighed heavily. “Is there liquor in the kitchen?”

“Yeah. Feel free. Help yourself. Beth wants to give it up, come help us finish the bottles we have in there,” Helen said getting up.

Bucky sat up and sighed. “I don’t think my sister would appreciate you filling her baby brother with alcohol at such a low point.”

“Have you even talked to Beth about this?” Helen asked from the kitchen.

Bucky got up and walked toward the kitchen as he brushed his hair back from his eyes. He couldn’t wait until it grew longer so he could actually tie it back again.

“Who do you think suggested I cut my hair?” he said as he walked into the kitchen.

“Can’t argue with her, it was a good suggestion,” she said handing Bucky a glass of liquor on ice.

“Yeah,” Bucky said thinking back on the look on Sam’s face when he first saw the new haircut.

He took a sip of liquor and just wanted to get drunk enough to forget his problems for a little while. It was a decent wish, but there was no forgetting Sam for any amount of time, Bucky realized.

No, his soulmate was just that captivating.

Bucky looked up from his glass with a grave realization in mind. He solemnly asked, “Should I let him go?”

“Is that what you want to do now?” Helen asked. She wasn’t in any way going to tell him what he should do. She was merely going to help Bucky talk his self through all of this.

“What I want…is to take him on a date, stay out late with him, have breakfast the next morning together,” Bucky said feeling tears prickle his eyes. “Hold his hand for goodness sake, and for once not have him look at me in disbelief when I compliment him. But I don’t think we’ll ever have that….because he doesn’t want anything with me. He’s made that clear. Maybe…it’s time I take the hint.”

Bucky finished off his liquor and placed the glass on the counter. “I’m gonna get going. I’ll talk to you later sis,” he said heading for the door to head on home.

“Okay, Buck. Talk to you later,” she said softly hoping the whole situation for her brother-in-law worked out.

* * *

Sam walked across campus heading to his office when he looked up and saw Bucky walking toward him. He felt his chest tighten seeing him again and wanted to stop and talk but saw Bucky cast his eyes down and kept walking past Sam like he didn’t see him. Sam stopped to see the other walk on and remembered the texts and calls that had gone unanswered over the past four days as Sam had tried to reach out to Bucky.

Sam continued on to his office and tried to remember Bucky’s schedule. He had to talk to him.

After dropping things off at his office, Sam hurried over to the Arts building. He walked up to the secretary at the desk and hoped against hope that Bucky was in his office and hadn’t left for the day.

“Uh, hi. Is Professor Barnes in right now?” he asked the student at the front desk.

“Just a moment,” she said picking up the phone to call.

Sam waited patiently and held his breath as the student hung up the line.

“He is in but he’s not seeing anyone for the rest of the day. Would you like me to take a message for him? I’ll make sure he gets it,” she said sweetly.

Sam felt heaviness settle in his chest at being turned away by his soulmate. “Ugh, no, no,” he said softly. “That’s alright. I’ll…catch him some other time I guess.”

Sam turned to leave the office and did his best to hold his head high as he headed back over to the Science building to prepare for his lecture.

As Sam walked into his office and took a seat at his desk, he couldn’t begin to explain why but he put his self in Bucky’s shoes all those times Sam had pushed him away or shut him down about them growing closer for any reason.

 _This shit feels horrible_ , Sam thought resting his head in his hands as he realized he may have actually succeeded in pushing the other man away entirely. Sam took a moment to let that possibility settle over him. While it left his heart feeling cold and tense, he knew it was probably what he deserved in the end. Bucky not wanting him anymore would have to be something he would have to accept, but Sam didn’t want Bucky making that decision not knowing the truth.

Sam rested back in his office chair, resolved in his decision once again: he had to tell his soulmate the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How the tides have turned, huh Sam?


	7. Recovery

**–LATER IN THE WEEK–**

Bucky felt frustration mount and felt his emotions twist. He wasn’t imaging it; he didn’t make it up that Sam had kissed him back that evening, he couldn’t have made up Sam’s reaction to their kiss. Even as he worried over something he could have done wrong that evening, he thought about how he ignored Sam’s calls and texts. He didn’t want to go back to the sterile distance of their phone conversations, he wanted to talk to Sam face to face. He’d seen Sam briefly at school earlier in the week but he was in no mindset to have such a discussion there on campus. It was bad enough he held up in his office right after that to pull his self together before his lecture. It had grown to be so frustrating how this distance between Sam and him had affected his day to day life.

He laughed cynically however. He was quite sure Sam wasn’t losing a bit of sleep over him though.

Bucky cleaned the kitchen, put away the rest of the evening’s dinner for another day and went to his bedroom. His room cool and dark as he crossed it to turn on the bedside lamp for some soft lighting. He sat at the edge of his bed to think. Technically he wasn’t tied to Sam in any way, it was just a mark on their skin, nothing more, but he already felt attached to Sam. He wished he didn’t long for Sam’s attention or having Sam’s hands on his skin again but he did – he really did.

He wished he could forget Sam entirely at that point.

With a heavy heart and mind, Bucky resolved to shower and sleep away his weariness. He rose from where he sat on his bed to remove his t-shirt. He ignored thoughts of how exciting it was when Sam slipped his hands underneath it that evening. Even that moment began to feel so long ago. He tossed his shirt in the hamper and heard a knock at his front door. He grumbled and had to go grab his shirt back.

He checked to see who it was so late. Bucky sighed to his self before he opened the door to see the subject of his weariness standing there. Bucky pushed the door open but made no move to invite Sam in.

“Sorry for dropping by so late. Is this a bad time?” Sam asked with a small voice noticing Bucky had his t-shirt on backwards. Sam had been feeling bad for how he left their conversation last week but being ignored earlier in the week on campus really put things in perspective for him. He needed to properly explain everything to Bucky this time.

Bucky ignored the question just as Sam had ignored him when he walked out on him last week. It was petty. Then again Bucky was hurting and thought why not pass some of it back. Bucky shifted from one leg to the other waiting for Sam to make a point that warranted him being on his porch so late.

“May I come in?” Sam asked.

After a tense moment, Bucky stepped aside and motioned for Sam to come in.

Sam walked in the house and turned around to see Bucky shutting the door.

Sam decided to just get into it. “You were right Bucky. It’s fear. I’m scared about the way you make me feel,” Sam admitted.

Bucky gripped the door knob a bit tighter in irritation. Sam wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t already know. 

Bucky’s display of irritation put a slight pause in Sam’s words but was not enough to make Sam stop. He had to tell Bucky the full reasoning of his reservations toward him. Bucky had to know.

Sam felt his nerves quake as he put his words together carefully. “When you asked if I lost someone…I didn’t tell you the truth that night,” Sam said sucking back tears. He refused to cry or feel sorry about the tragedies he’d faced. He was done letting the unfortunate circumstances of his past dictate how he met his future. “I’ve had…two soulmates…both have died. One as recently as a year ago; his name was…Steven Rogers.” Sam was nervous to look up and see pity in Bucky’s eyes toward him but Sam looked up to see Bucky’s expression all the same.

Bucky felt his attitude dissipate as he heard Sam’s words then felt like he’d been socked in the gut when he heard Steve’s name. He knew his late friend had a soulmate but he never met them at the funeral. Sam’s exit the other night made more sense as Bucky realized exactly Sam’s apprehension with their whole situation. Sam had told him but only now did Bucky _really_ understand how brand new he was to this while Sam had been through so much already.

 _Two soulmates lost?_ Bucky wondered.

As much as it hurt to form the words and perhaps kill any future development they could have romantically Bucky opened his mouth. “Look Sam, it’s like you said, there’s no obligation for anything to happen between us.”

“True but I’m done making decisions based on fear of what may or may not happen,” Sam said firmly.

“So where does that leave us?” Bucky asked stepping toward Sam.

Sam looked down briefly before looking Bucky in the eye and taking the leap. “If you’re not too upset at me, could I…take you out sometime?”

Bucky stared at Sam and thought about it. “You know, I don’t go out with just anybody, lot of weirdos out here these days.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Oh yeah,” Bucky said as a soft smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

Sam swallowed his own smile and took a step toward Bucky before saying the words he had wanted to say since Bucky first uttered them that night at the bar.

“What if I ask nicely?” Sam whispered softly. “What then?”

Bucky recognized his words on Sam’s lips and smirked. He stepped to Sam so they were standing before each other. Bucky leaned in and pressed his lips gently against Sam’s. Sam kissed him back and draped his arms around Bucky’s shoulders. Sam sighed softly and deep down thanked whoever was listening that he hadn’t been able to sabotage things between them.

Bucky pulled back from their kiss and sucked back a few tears.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked touching his face.

Bucky chuckled. “For a second there…I honestly thought I would lose you,” Bucky confessed.

Sam looked into his eyes and considered Bucky’s perspective in all of this. He refrained from making a promise in that moment he couldn’t keep and instead brushed his thumb against his cheek and pecked a kiss on the other’s lips.

“I’m willing to give this a try if you are,” Sam whispered.

“Oh I am,” Bucky said with a warm smirk on his lips before he kissed Sam deeply and hugged him close around the waist.

Bucky’s kiss was like a whirlwind, consuming and intoxicating. Sam grasped at the hair at the back of Bucky’s head to no avail; the man’s kiss was making Sam hard with each passing second. When they parted for air Sam licked his lips and looked into Bucky’s eyes again.

“How many times do I have to ask you to take me to bed?” Sam asked a bit breathless.

Bucky chuckled and reached to take Sam’s hand and led him back into his bedroom. He closed the door behind them and led the other man to the bathroom.

Sam felt his heart pounding in his chest as they stood in the middle of the bathroom but decided to trust Bucky. He did ask for this. Bucky rested his cheek against Sam’s before he embraced the man in his arms. Sam rested his palms against Bucky’s back and Bucky mentally cursed in his mind because Sam’s touch felt so good. Bucky let Sam eventually and moved to get the shower turned on. He turned back to Sam and started undressing. 

Sam bit his lip just watching Bucky remove his clothing before he realized Bucky was signaling for him to do the same. Sam pulled his shirt up and off in a quick rip wanting to see all of Bucky without delay. Bucky smirked handsomely before dropping his sweatpants in one go. Sam felt a bit of nervousness in the pit of stomach showing his body to someone new. But he wanted to touch Bucky all over, from his hairless, chiseled chest to his defined abs and cuts to his muscular legs to his hardening dick. 

Bucky looked expectantly at Sam; waiting. Sam fought his nerves off and undid his jeans. He stepped out of his shoes then his socks. He pulled his pants off with his briefs and stood in front of Bucky after kicking his clothes away.

Bucky admired Sam’s build. Sam was on the lean side but it was hard to not notice the ass on him. Bucky loved the warm yellow undertone of Sam’s brown skin and how he appeared to be hairless everywhere except for right above his hardening dick. Bucky was counting down the seconds until he could touch Sam, could taste him.

“Beautiful,” Bucky said softly still staring at Sam from head to toe.

Sam looked up questioning the man’s statement but Bucky gave no explanation, just led the way into the shower. Bucky got under the spray and started washing up. Sam followed him in and tried not to get in the way. Bucky pulled him in front of him and allowed Sam to shower. Their bodies brushed briefly and Sam felt himself growing harder with them being so close in their current state of undress. Sam washed himself but his eyes were glued to Bucky’s every movement. Bucky noticed Sam watching him and tried not to stare just as hard at the man, but he meant what he said, Sam was beautiful. Lean but still defined with a fabulously fat ass.

When they rinsed off, and were satisfied with their shower. Bucky turned the water off and stared at Sam breathing in every breath he released.

“Can I touch you?” Bucky asked.

Sam nodded and grabbed Bucky’s hand to place it around his back. Bucky dipped his head and kissed into Sam’s warm mouth and felt his chest tighten being able to kiss Sam again so casually. Bucky had honestly prepared his self to live with the fact that their moment in his kitchen last week would be the last kiss he’d receive from his soulmate but here they were back at it; first in his living room and now with less clothing in the shower! Bucky moved Sam up against the wall and moved his leg between Sam’s to give him something to rub against, remembering how much Sam enjoyed that before.

The kiss they shared this time was slow, sensual, much less rushed than the previous. They were both aware this wouldn’t be the last taste, that this was also just the beginning. Sam broke their kiss to kiss at Bucky’s jaw and throat as he felt his hands over the other man’s shoulders and chest. Touching gently against the scars near Bucky’s left shoulder and his prosthetic learning their texture and pattern under his fingertips. He could feel Bucky hardening against his stomach and felt desire weight his limbs down. He trailed his kisses down Bucky’s neck and decided to kiss a mark into Bucky’s collarbone. Sam bit gently against the skin there and heard Bucky moan aloud. Sam continued kissing further down, until Bucky stopped him and made him stand up straight again. 

Eyes full of lust and a bit confused, Bucky smiled loving the current look on his soulmate’s face. It was such a change from the expressions he’d grown used to seeing over the months he’d been getting to know him. 

“Nah, not yet,” Bucky whispered before placing a kiss beside Sam’s lips. He felt a shiver run down his spine at the thought of Sam taking him between those pretty lips.

They’d definitely get to that but not before other things. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grab some popcorn, this is just getting started. Lol


	8. Acknowledgement

Bucky ushered them out of the shower to dry off and back out into his room to lie down. He laid on his bed and invited Sam to lie on top him. Sam straddled his hips easily and Bucky bit back a groan at the thought of Sam riding him. Bucky scolded his self to stay focused and stop daydreaming about things they could certainly do later on. He glanced down at Sam fully hard and felt his mouth water.

He pulled the man down for a kiss and ran his hands over Sam’s body listening for what made him sigh, what made him shiver and moan. Tonight, this first time was about learning everything he could about his soulmate. As Bucky brushed his hands over Sam’s thighs, Sam trembled beautifully before softly begging against Bucky’s lips. Bucky was certainly not a stronger man to ignore such a plea and took Sam’s erection in his palm. Sam released a shuddering breath at finally being touched and kissed Bucky’s lips to quiet his self down. Bucky smirked and ran his thumb against the heated tip and spread the fluid down the erection in his palm to make his strokes smoother. Sam broke their kiss to gasp and grasped at Bucky’s shoulders before hiding his face in Bucky’s neck as the other man tore another moan from deep within him.

Sam felt Bucky’s quiet command over his body with just the stroke of his hand and couldn’t believe how good the other man’s touch felt. How every gentle pull up gave way to the slick fall back to his base and Sam just didn’t want it to ever end.

“Please. Please Bucky,” he breathed unsure of what he was even asking for.

Bucky felt the man trembling atop him and pressed a kiss into his neck. He stopped his hand on Sam and felt Sam cling to him. Bucky kissed at Sam’s shoulder moving him to lie down on the bed so he could get up. He looked down on Sam and felt his heart beat wildly. Sam looked absolutely fuckable and pliant at the moment.

Bucky looked at their mark on Sam’s arm, where it rested up near Sam’s head, and felt his heart clench a bit with emotion. It reminded him that Sam was not just another one night stand or someone he was dating to fill his time. This was _his soulmate_. Bucky reached out and touched Sam’s soulmate mark. He caressed his fingers over the mark; it was just slightly lighter in tone than the rest of Sam’s gorgeous skin. Bucky leaned in slowly and placed a soft kiss against the mark. He looked over into Sam’s eyes and acknowledged what they were to one another. Sam felt a tear fall from his eye.

Sam touched Bucky’s right arm and brought Bucky’s mark up to his own lips. Sam placed a kiss on Bucky’s mark, brown in tone against his skin and smiled. Bucky smiled wide, from ear to ear, and kissed Sam chastely on the lips. The soulmates had acknowledged one another. Now they could proceed. 

Bucky moved to kiss at Sam’s stomach gently running his hand down against his thigh. Sam sighed and squirmed trying to rush the other man to where Sam desperately wanted him.

Bucky chuckled and licked against the head of Sam dick while watching his expression. Sam bit his lip and grasped at Bucky’s shoulder tightly. That was all the invitation he needed before he took Sam into his mouth and sucked. Sam’s flavor was warm and mild considering the others he’d been with but he pushed away thoughts of the past to be present with Sam, to give him everything he could. Bucky was with his soulmate; there would be no others like Sam. He brushed his fingers against Sam’s thigh taking him deeper in his mouth. It wouldn’t be difficult to take all of him but Bucky decided to hold off on that and work Sam up to it.

Sam ran his fingers into Bucky’s short cut, but with not much to grip onto he thrust his hips blindly which earned him a hand on his hip. Bucky’s mouth was ridiculously hot and steadily pushing him to the edge. Sam could feel his tongue stroking against his sensitive flesh driving him nuts.

Bucky pulled off to take a breath then sucked against the side of the dick in his hand. Not ready to give it up just yet as he started to remember how much he enjoyed doing this.

“Sam,” Bucky spoke for the first time in a while. Sam looked down at him and the look in his eyes was almost too much. “If I make you come right now, will you be able to later on?”

Sam had to think about what Bucky was asking because he was partially stuck on the fact Bucky wanted to make him come like this.

Then he remembered the question. “Yes Bucky,” he answered. “Yeah.”

“Excellent,” Bucky said swallowing Sam down again to the root and Sam let his head fall back and felt the pleasure wash through him completely.

“ _Oh, oh fuck Bucky, please……oh please_ ,” Sam breathed gripping the covers completely at the man’s mercy. “ _Bucky, baby please_.”

Bucky listened to Sam’s pleas and sucked Sam down and swallowed around him.

“ _Mmmm fuck…..baby, fuck_ ,” Sam cried as the tension in his body began to build. “So close, so close!”

Bucky moved his flesh hand from Sam’s thigh and brushed his fingertips just behind Sam’s balls which were drawn so tight against his body. He probably had a few more sucks before this blowjob was over. Bucky pressed his finger against Sam’s anus and just rubbed against it with gentle pressure as he felt Sam just slightly press back against his finger as Bucky false swallowed. That was the end.

Sam felt the tension finally bleed from his body as his release roared through him. He shot down Bucky’s throat, biting his tongue at crying out Bucky’s name and felt his heart pounding hard in his chest as Bucky sucked him dry. When he pulled off, Sam felt spent, unable to move as Bucky placed kisses against his stomach and thighs. Bucky brushed his lips against one of his nipples, and Sam closed his eyes for a moment to steady his heart rate.

When Sam opened his eyes again, Bucky was resting beside him. He looked over to see Bucky, sleeping. He touched Bucky’s chest and he opened his eyes.

“He wakes,” Bucky joked softly.

“Yeah,” Sam said gently. “Was I asleep long?” Feeling bad that he got his orgasm and fell asleep on Bucky.

“Just a minute or two. No worries though,” Bucky said gently sitting up as he looked over at his soulmate. “I really like falling asleep beside you.”

They stared at one another for a moment before Sam looked away to just smile at the sappiness of Bucky’s words.

“Allow me,” Sam said reaching over to touch Bucky’s erection before Bucky grabbed his hand to pin it above his head. Bucky moved in and brushed his lips against Sam’s cheek.

“I won’t last a minute if you touch me,” Bucky said at an angle where their eyes couldn’t meet. “But there is something else we could do,” Bucky said lifting his head to look into Sam’s eyes.

He felt Sam would have reservations about doing more. Bucky didn’t have experience in this arena involving a soulmate but something was telling him they were seconds away from crossing a line and there would be no going back.

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat and looked into Bucky’s eyes. He pressed a soft kiss to Bucky’s lips and felt Bucky kiss him softly, just the faintest touch of lips.

“That is…if you’re interested. We never have to do anything you don’t want…,” Bucky stressed feeling Sam take a breath beneath him. “…or aren’t ready for. I’ll understand.”

“I want to,” Sam said softly feeling deep down that it was true. He felt no pressure to move forward, he just honestly wanted to.

“You sure?”

“Yes,” Sam whispered hoping Bucky wouldn’t make him wait long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUN FACT: That moment where they kiss each other's mark in acknowledgement was the inspiration moment for this entire fic. Lol. I wrote the whole fic just so that moment would have a context to exist within. 
> 
> (That's the type of fanfic writer I am if any of you were wondering lmao :D )


	9. Construct

**–TWO YEARS LATER–**

“Babe,” Bucky said placing kiss after kiss up Sam’s back. “ _Baby_ ,” he whispered into Sam’s skin, just taking a moment to appreciate the feel of the other’s skin against his lips.

“Mmm?” Sam grumbled as he tried to focus on finishing up his grading.

“We have to be at your Mom’s in an hour. You have to get ready to leave,” Bucky said trying to get his soulmate to stop working on their vacation and get dressed so they could leave the hotel.

Sam hurried through the last paper and punched in the grade. He put his laptop to sleep and got up from across their bed in the hotel room and went to his suitcase. He looked at Bucky and saw the other still not ready.

“What about you?” Sam argued. “You’re not dressed.”

“Yes, I am. I’m wearing this,” Bucky said taking a seat on the bed in his nice button shirt and slacks to watch Sam get ready. “I just have to put on my shoes and I’m ready to leave.”

Sam grumbled and started going through his suitcase looking for an outfit.

Bucky relaxed back against the headboard and watched Sam. He watched Sam get ready and thought back on their relationship of two years and how far they’d come since they first met. There’d been bumps and rough patches even after they’d decided to give their relationship at try. Through conversation and striving to make it work for months, they reached a point where they succeeded.

Bucky thought back on a visit he took to Steve’s grave, soon after they decided to get together. He caught up with his old friend, told him how much he missed him. He mentioned that he was with Sam now. He’d also brought up how Sam still loved him. Bucky could sense that within Sam and there was nothing he could do about that. _‘He misses you punk,_ ’ Bucky had said as he wiped away a tear. _‘We both do.’_ He stated he wouldn’t try to replace Steve in Sam’s heart but instead he promised Steve that he’d love Sam dearly and create his own space there. ‘ _I’ll take care of him Stevie. No worries,’_ Bucky told Steve before he departed that afternoon.

After that day, Bucky had found a peace he could live with regarding Sam’s past soulmates. They’d enjoyed a year and a half of bliss in Bucky’s opinion. They had even navigated the anniversaries of Sam’s previous soulmates. Bucky gave Sam space on those days but made his self available for comfort. Sam did turn to him for reassurance and they emerged stronger as a couple.

That didn’t mean they didn’t get into it from time to time. What couple didn’t?

Now, in less than two hours they were about to meet another milestone together: introducing Bucky to Sam’s family.

* * *

Bucky gripped the steering wheel of their rental car nervous out of his mind. He looked over at Sam for reassurance to which Sam stared back at him.

“I can’t help you. This is sink or swim,” Sam said clasping his hand tight on his soulmate’s shoulder. “Good luck.”

Sam promptly got out of the car and left Bucky sitting there a bit stunned. Bucky started laughing hysterically and shook his head as he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out the car. He looked at Sam over the hood of the car and saw the smiling face of the man he loved.

“Feeling a little better?” Sam wondered.

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, a little better. Thank you babe,” Bucky said rounding the car to take Sam’s hand as they walked up to the house, through the yard packed with cars and made it to the porch.

“I told them you’re with me, so it’s not a total surprise,” Sam whispered. “If you’re full, be firm with my aunts. But if my grandmother offers you more, you better find the space to put it away okay?”

“Uh, ye-yeah, okay,” Bucky said glancing over at Sam.

Sam knocked on the door and heard a bunch of commotion inside.

The door opened quickly and Sam’s sister was right there smiling.

“Hey, you two,” she said grinning.

“Who’s here Sarah?” Sam asked. “I thought I told Mom just the close family?”

“Well you know her and everyone wants to meet him,” Sarah said smiling warmly at Bucky.

Bucky felt worry pool in his veins again.

“Come on,” Sam said stepping in the house as he held Bucky’s hand tight in his own.

Bucky hugged Sarah with his free arm as they stepped through the doorway. Sam saw cousins chilling on the couch and little ones running up the stairs.

“Samuel Thomas Wilson!” they heard. Sam and Bucky both stopped right where they were.

Sam looked over and saw his mom stepping out of the kitchen in her home.

 _Here we go_ , Sam thought.

Bucky proceeded to hug and shake hands with various people as Sam stayed by his side and introduced him to his family. Bucky made jokes and laughed along with the aunts and uncles. Sam took notice of Bucky’s comfort level and saw his soulmate was doing well for being so nervous.

Another hour later when everyone sat down to dinner, Sam and Bucky laughed and talked with everyone. Things were going really well until one cousin brought up a trip to California. Bucky noticed Sam had grown quiet, his eyes downcast as everyone continued to reminisce about the trip.

Bucky leaned over and nudged Sam. “You okay?”

Sam looked over into Bucky’s eyes with a sadness Bucky was quite familiar with at that point.

“I was with Steve at the time,” Sam whispered softly. “We were on that trip together.”

Sam knew it was too much to expect his family to not mention _any_ moments when Sam had been with Steve. It just wasn’t reasonable. He’d been with the man for eight long years, they’d spent a great deal of time around Sam’s family during those years. Those memories would forever be entwined.

“It’s okay baby,” Bucky whispered back to Sam as he touched Sam’s leg reassuringly under the table.

After dinner, Bucky stepped out to the car and asked Sam to help him find something. They walked outside together and walked back over to their rental to talk in private. Bucky looked at Sam and saw his soulmate ready to tear up. Bucky grabbed a hold of Sam tightly and hugged him close as he rubbed his back.

It was moments like this that Sam could see that his new soulmate wasn’t a replacement for his previous ones in any way. Bucky was someone all his own; with enough care in his heart to certainly help Sam through where those past experiences had left him. Sam took a deep breath and tried to give himself a moment to let the emotion pass, whatever it may be.

“Cry if you want,” Bucky whispered to him as he held Sam close.

Sam shook his head and stood up straight again. “I’m good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Sam said looking around. “Thanks for getting me out of there. I needed a moment.”

“No problem,” Bucky said holding Sam’s hand. “What’s going on? What thoughts are you having?”

Sam shook his head and took a deep breath. He felt like there was just too much history with his family.

“They remember things I want to forget,” Sam confessed.

“You don’t have to forget them,” Bucky said holding Sam’s hands. “Remember both of them.” Sam looked into Bucky’s eyes and smiled. “It’s my job to make an impression with them, not yours.” Sam smiled at that and shook his head. “How do you think I’m doing so far?”

“My cousin Lena likes you so you’ve got that on your side. Everyone else is warming up. Just keep making them laugh, smile, and you’ll be fine,” Sam advised.

“I’ll do my best,” he said leaning in to kiss Sam softly. Sam softened with Bucky’s kiss and sighed openly as Bucky pulled back to look into his eyes. Bucky licked at his bottom lip and sighed. “You’re testing my self-restraint right now doll.”

“How so?” Sam asked teasingly.

Bucky pulled Sam into a hug and whispered in his ear, “Making sounds like that in the middle of the day.”

Sam displayed a dark grin as he brushed his fingers underneath Bucky’s shirt for just a brief moment before he backed out of his arms. “There’ll be time for that back at the hotel tonight,” Sam said heading back toward the house.

Bucky honestly hoped there would be as he followed Sam’s lead and walked back with him.

“You’re family’s great,” Bucky said as they walked up onto the porch.

“Thanks,” Sam said softly.

“Hope you’re ready though,” he said looking back at Sam as he held the door open for him.

“For what?” Sam asked walking inside.

“Meeting mine,” he said following Sam inside. 

* * *

**–EPILOGUE–**

Sam and Bucky relaxed in bed together at the hotel after getting back from his Mom’s house. Sam rested his head on Bucky’s shoulder and felt sleep creeping up on him steadily. He’d had some homemade food, good laughs and a really good time. He’d just had some great sex and he was in the mood to fall asleep in his soulmate’s arms.

Bucky was brushing his fingers up and down his arm in a soothing manner. It was really hard not to be lulled to sleep by the soft touch.

“Did you mean it?” Sam whispered to Bucky in the dark.

“Mean what?” Bucky asked. His eyes were closed. He was ready to doze off as well. 

“About me meeting your family,” Sam asked softly.

Bucky felt a smile begin on his lips. “Of course,” he answered softly. “My sister Beth and her wife Helen are dying to meet you.”

“For real?”

“For real. They can’t wait to meet the guy I was so sick over for months,” Bucky said chuckling; his laughter shaking Sam since he was lying partially on him.

“Probably talking shit about me,” Sam said softly, resigned to that fact as he did treat his soulmate less than kind back when they first met.

“Never. They’ve only heard wonderful things about you,” Bucky said as he turned over so he could lie face to face with Sam.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said placing a kiss on Sam’s cheek. “About how beautiful your eyes are, how your smile literally brightened up my day whenever I saw it. How absolutely heartsick you made me and how much I wanted you.”

As his eyes adjusted to the dark, Sam looked at Bucky. He looked at the face of the man he’d nearly walked away from. It made sense at the time but now Sam couldn’t see his future without him. 

“I’m sorry again,” Sam whispered.

Bucky sighed and pulled Sam close to kiss his lips. Sam kissed him back tenderly and laid back down when their kiss broke.

“I only wanted you Sam,” Bucky confessed as he pulled Sam into his body and held him close. “And that’s just what I got.”

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a rocky, winding road but we've arrived at the conclusion no worse for wear, right? ;) This fic is easily in my top 3 now, it was such a wild ass ride to draft and write out. My goodness how on Earth will I top this this one next summer??! We will just have to see lol. :D 
> 
> Anyways, thank you to each and every single one of you that left kudos, commented, that got swept up in the story, chapter by chapter and got invested. You all are the best! ❤️❤️
> 
> Come talk to me on [Tumblr](https://ineffableblack.tumblr.com/). :)


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